Taking the good with the good.

Yesterday was awesome! I miss Brookings. They have better everything.

My friend Ashley graduated nursing school this weekend which was the perfect occassion to bring all our old friends back together. I've been missing that kind of social contact. I haven't heard anyone call me "Finny!!" in a long time. Too long.

The evening was cut short, however, by an impending blizzard. Now I'm stuck at home with 5+ inches of snow outside and 45 mph winds. Interstate is closed from Brookings to... Canada. Luckily I was able to get some groceries in Brookings before I left. I left with some cucumber dill hummus, a tasty red pepper stuffed with prusciuto, and some Newcastle Brown Ale. Yesterday was one of THE best days I've had in a long time.

This one goes out to the one I love.

These last few months have been pretty hard. I turn 25 a month from yesterday, but my quarter-life crisis started a little bit earlier than that. I don't want to complain, so think of this more as a "lament."

I have a good job that has great benefits and pretty decent pay, but it's not anywhere near to what I've been studying/training for and it's in rural SD not a big bustling city. My family loves me. I have a few close friends, but they only exist online. I don't see anybody who really gets me on anywhere close to a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. I wish I were in a place where my environment pushed me to be better, where I was challenged by my work and I felt like I was getting somewhere on a personal and professional level.

After so many months of deprivation, I have little patience and alotta desperation. That's why I'm dedicating the song "Change Yourself" by Sister Hazel to myself - the one I love.

Taste of Home

I wonder which little hooligan from Clear Lake wrote this up on Wikipedia - and has updated it since Hot Dog Days last weekend... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clear_Lake,_South_Dakota As a resident - past/present/and immediate future - I can vouch for the accuracy.

Cha-ching.

I put in my first 10-hour-day of anything other than reading/watching TV since I don't know how long. Workin' some O-T at the J-O-B. Pretty much everything hurts from being on my feet all day and twisting to reach stuff, but it will pass. That bi-weekly paycheck will almost make up for it.

I think one of the ladies I work with is on speed. She excuses herself to go to the "bathroom" every afternoon around 4 p.m. Maybe I'm just jealous of how much energy she has after working for 8 hours.

Putting in 9 hours tomorrow. Wish me luck.

New Slang

Just finished helping my oldest and dearest friend pack up all of her worldy possessions this side of the Mississippi into the back of a U-Haul bound for Connecticut. She'll be starting graduate school this semester for a master's degree in Public Policy Management. I'm really happy for her! It's clearly what she wants and she's been able to lay all the groundwork to achieve her goals.

As for me, I start a job at one of the factories in town on Monday. My hometown is a two-ironic-factory town. The factory on the north end makes ordinances/munitions and the factory on the south end makes medical supplies. I'll be pulling a shipping shift at the south end. The pay doesn't suck and the company shouldn't be that bad either. I've got a plan for saving money and leaving a little left to have fun. I'm finally realizing the importance of balance in my life.

I feel like I'm making the most of my situation. I'm done shedding tears over all the things I can't have right now and all the things I had, but lost. I'm looking forward to being my own best friend again. As for the past, while I wish things would have happened differently, I wouldn't change the way things are now. I'm trying to learn from every situation, even if that means just learning how to do things wrong.

XOXO, Readers.

So, news flash: I'm back in South Dakota. I've been back for about a month and a half actually, but I didn't update my blog. I guess I just didn't want it to be over? That's the cheesy answer. The real answer is that I wrote a good final blog post while I was waiting for my plane to board in Tallinn and then I tried to access the free wifi, but I couldn't log on. Estonia: 2,052; Amy: 0.

The flight from Tallinn to Warsaw (Vassavi) was uneventful. LOT Polish serves terrible food. Then I raced through Frederic Chopin International airport only to wait for an hour and a half at my terminal. Sucky. I boarded the plane at last and found I had a window seat - bonus! So I settled in for the flight - next to a cute Polish (?) dude and dug into that month's Foreign Affairs that my buddy gave me as a going away gift. After dinner, I drifted off to sleep. When I woke up, I found that I had creases from the window implanted in my face so I rolled the other direction - towards cute Polish guy. That must be European for "make out with me" because he said something in his Slavic tongue, then put his arm around me, and tried to put said tongue in my mouth. Whoa, buddy! I don't know if you know, but that's just kind of rude. I'm just trying to get some sleep here. So, needless to say, the rest of my flight was a bit awkward.

I got to Chicago and had to race through the airport again to get to my terminal. I got aboard that plane - exhausted - and started to get excited to see my mom and big sister for the first time in over a year! My heart started beating faster and faster as I headed towards the baggage carousel. There was no one there! So I gathered my bags and headed outside. I watched as other happy families were reunited. Then I saw my mom and sister pull up! Woo hoo! Man was I happy to see them.

Since then, I've moved back to my parents' farm. I'm living in my old room, sleeping in my old bed. I've been looking for a job since day 1. The closest thing I've found to gainful employment is a job on the shipping line at the factory in town. It's not the most challenging work, but it'll do until I can save up enough money to fund my next big break. Grad school at times is both in and out. I want the degree, but the timeline is screwy. I want a job more. I really should work for awhile before I go back to the school environment. I will be much happier and that in turn will make me much liklier to succeed in grad school. Things in my life have a tendency to snowball, but I'm trying not to take it personally.

Oh, and I got my haircut! I LOVE it! Better than Tallinn and for half the cost. I can actually afford to maintain it.

New Thinking

So, I've decided that I'm going to pick bands I like based on whether I think I could date the members or not. Here are some examples.

1. Lenny Kravitz



No doubt Lenny is sexy. Even when he mumbles something mundane in his low, slow, raspy voice there's not a dry seat in the house. "Hey, hey, hey baby. I'm going to sing you the grocery list. Don't forget to get the little chocolate donuts I like." He's automatically disqualified though because I wouldn't be able to stop giggling.

2. Michael Buble



His sexiness seems a bit forced. I'm sure he's a very nice guy, but I don't cry when I watch an episode of Friends and my boyfriend shouldn't either.

3. Jason Mraz



I could see Mr. A-Z and I hanging out together eating organic food and making hemp necklaces for a very long time. He's sexy but laid-back at the same time. Maybe a little too laid back. I feel like I owe it to myself to grow up. That being said, I still want to ba-du-ba-du-ba-schooch on a bit closer and have him nibble my ear.

4. Fujiya and Miyagi



Why is it that quiet guys in skinny ties and vintage jackets are so cute? The appeal here is in the word economy. (I got so, I got so, so mono-syllabic. You butchered your service with vocal gymnastics. You swagger as if you're the heart of the universe. You're off your, you're off your, you're off your bleedin' rocker. I'm just monkeying around with your furniture.) Sometimes you don't have to say anything - just lay in bed with me, roll over and pull me close.

From where I'm standing.

Not to drag out the nostalgia/suffering, but I've been listening to some music lately that's really putting my experience in Estonia in perspective. I'm really ready to leave this time, but that doesn't mean I don't still love Estonia.

From Where I'm Standing: Schuyler Fisk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6pTCKMRY3XU&feature=related
From where I'm standing,
you're the quiet side of the road.
You're looking so lonely
and I can't stop looking at you.
Your head is hanging,
trying to beat those goodbye blues.
I bet you'll be fine.
I bet you'll be fine.

I guess it's not the way
you always planned it.
Looks like you're heading for a
crash landing.
That's just the way it looks
from where I'm standing.
From where I'm standing.

From where I'm standing
I think i caught your eye.
Are you looking at me
cause I swear I saw you smile
and I'm coming over
gonna take things off your mind.
And I bet you'll be fine.
And I bet you'll be fine.

I guess it's not the way
you always planned it.
Looks like you're heading for a
crash landing.
That's just the way it looks
from where I'm standing.

From where I'm standing
let it fall.
Let it come down.
Let it crash around you,
around you.

I guess it's not the way
you always planned it.
Looks like you're heading for a
crash landing.
That's just the way it looks
from where I'm standing.
That's just the way it looks
from where I'm standing.
From where I'm standing.
I might make you mine.
I might make you mine.
From where I'm standing.

The Next Sun

As I get ready to depart Estonia, yet again, I find myself reading (and re-reading) a blog entry a friend of mine wrote a few years ago about a trip he took from Cairo to Senegal and back again. The whole post - in the form of a love letter - is below with a link at the bottom to the original blog which I suggest you check out. I couldn't have said it better myself. Thank you, Jeremy (of Arabia). :)

02 May 2006

Par Avion

Dear Senegal,

I left you a week ago – the same way I met you. My heart in my throat.

From the first, I could only compare you to my only other real experience. You were different of course, in so many ways. But I was fascinated to see how I responded to you, how I changed anew, how I remembered how much I liked to change.

I loved you for that. I thrilled in the chance to fill, to grow, into the space you gave me in the short time I had.

I studied you first, careful as always. So some things didn’t surprise me. I worked on the language, the mannerisms, and the traditions. What made you laugh, what made you smile, what made you sad. What you dreamed for the future, the past you wanted leave behind.

And so I appeared to you, out of the dark.

But other things gave me pause: The rhythm of your life, how who you are changed over time, how your language was different than the one I thought was all-important and thought I knew so well. You were more than I expected, yet your heart was simple.

I spun, reeling in confusion, as who you really were overtook me like a gust of wind. But afterward, we were both still there, growing together, swaying in the breeze and the night.

Then, I took you for granted. I felt that I understood you, that there were no more challenges. I got comfortable in my limited vocabulary, what I could get away with. I looked over the horizon, looked for the next sun.

And, I lost you.

I’m without you now. Who we were together changed who I am now. But I can’t help feel there was more for me to learn, more for me to change. And now – I can’t.

Maybe I’ll see you again. Maybe I won’t. It might not be up to me. But I’ll keep growing, keep changing.

And I’ll miss you.

(http://jeremyofarabia.blogspot.com)

Kus sa praegu olla tahaksid?

"Where do you want to be right now?" I was asked this question during my last Estonian lecture and I drew a blank. I couldn't think of anywhere else I would rather be right now than in Estonia.

Yeah, it's been hard. And, yeah Estonia keeps kicking me in the teeth. But, I always forgive Estonia and somehow - love it more is the wrong phrase - grow more attached to it - is better.

Estonia has made me laugh and cry. Estonia has embarrassed and humbled me. Estonia has broken my heart. But, at the same time, Estonia has become a part of me. A part of me I won't soon forget.

I've heard it said that to truly speak the Estonian language you really have to feel Estonian. I'm inclined to believe that with all my suffering - I'm getting close. In an article written for National Geographic, Baroness Irina Ungern-Sternberg encapsulates the Estonian spirit with these words:

When thousands of Estonian voices unite in singing folk songs born of the clouds and cold of the north, one senses the power that lies within - the willingness to suffer rather than yield. It is in the Estonian voice that the national soul is revealed, deep, patient, and full of faith.

The Frugal Traveler

LOVE THIS GUY!!

http://frugaltraveler.blogs.nytimes.com/?8dpc

Sorry, Sari.

When I was traveling last summer I met some people in Riga who were, for lack of a better phrase, pretty freakin' cool. One of them, a Finnish girl named Sari - pronounced "sorry", was in Tallinn this weekend. We hadn't seen each other in over a year, so we agreed to meet on the square at 10:30 for some coffee.

I thought I saw her waiting in the middle of the square so I approached and said, "Sari?" To which she responded, "Yes?" I said, "Sari?" and she said, "Yes, can I help you?" I said, "Ohhh, I thought you were my friend Sari! Sorry!!!"

...maybe you had to be there. :)

Fe-Mullet

Went to the Day Spa last week to get my hair cut. I got the standard "Eastern-European Fe-Mullet". I kind of dig it. The minute I walked into the Day Spa I never wanted to leave. They do aromatherapy there so I assume I was getting some sort of contact high. The girl who cut my hair was great too. I've never found a hairdresser that I would say, "Natalja, I must see you now." But, when my cut starts to grow out. I must see Natalja.



Here's a rare sans-glasses shot. I look so stern.

Literati

The family I was living with left Estonia about 6 weeks ago. The first week was AWESOME!! I was thrilled to have my privacy again.

The week after that was AWFUL!! I started climbing the walls. I called everyone I knew (like one person) to see if they wanted to hang out with me, but they were all busy.

So,I went to the Tallinn Central Library and embarked on a reading campaign. I started with The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera. It was amazing! No one can write like him. I feel like he was not only right there with me during my ensuing existential crisis, but fueling it at the same time. ;) Loads of good quotes have been copied down in my diary for future reference...

Then I read Sophie's Choice by William Styron. Anyone who has read this knows that it contains some heavy sociological and psychological themes that really expose human nature at it's not so finest. As sort of a serendipitous accompaniment to this book, I'm taking a course on consciousness and am reading The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness by Antonio Damasio. Before I turned the first page, I was prepared to have my mind blown. Consciousness, what we know, and how we know it, while being tasty food for thought, is also good tinder for my - you guessed it - existential crisis.

I returned Sophie's Choice and picked up Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia-Marquez, A Moveable Feast by Hemingway, and what may possibly be the oldest copy of Whitman's Leaves of Grass ever published (Macy's books, 1921).

Yesterday morning I read A Moveable Feast in it's entirety. It was beautifully written and, again, exposed human nature (and snobby Parisian culture) from 1921-1926 when "Hem" was in Paris writing, drinking, hanging out with Gertrude Stein, Scott Fitzgeral, Ezra Pound, and gambling on the horses. What he has to say about spring is really true for me as well.

When spring came, even the false spring, there were no problems except where to be happiest. The only thing that could spoil a day was people and if you could keep from making engagements, each day had no limits. People were always the limiters of happiness except for the very few that were as good as spring itself.

But, the real reason I chose to read Feast was for this sentiment about Paris that can be applied to any place that I have lived. When authors get it right, they get it right. What can I say?

There is never any ending to Paris and the memory of each person who has lived in it differs from that of any other. We always returned to it no matter who we were or how it was changed or with what difficulties, or ease, it could be reached. Paris was always worth it and you received return for whatever you brought to it. But this is how Paris was in the early days when we were very poor and very happy.

Conclusion? But this is how Europe was in the early days when I was very poor and very happy.

OK SNACKS. Ok....

So, I was a bit hungry the other day and wondering what to eat when I found these: OK SNACKS. Check out the seal on the bottom. It says "Danish Quality". The Danes are so... modest?

My Monet

My hotel room in Estonia came complete with the above wall art - Claude Monet's The Parc Monceau, Paris, 1876. The original Monet is the property of the Met...Or is it?

No glow sticks, please.

Picked up this little souvenir from Europe today.
TECH NO!

Can you taste the imposter?

BLACK BREAD.
Common European breakfast food.
Usually served with cheese and tomato.

KALI.
Common Estonian beverage.
Usually consumed by the liter.
Tastes like black bread.

E-Stonia

So, I went to the bathroom at the Olumpia Hotel, and noticed a sticker on the inside of the stall door that said "Free Wireless Internet." I happened to have my laptop in my bag. So, I thought, why not check it out? Uh, I wanted you to know it's working...

Soviet-refrigerator

This is where I keep the Cristal.

My biggest pet peeve.

I just came across this ad on The Economist's web-site. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but the grammar is not only improper; it is becoming commonplace in "the whole of Europe".

My new pad.

Here are some photos of my new pad. It's a hotel that has been converted to dormitories. Pretty cushy, as you can see. It's day 2, and so far everything is good. I have cable. I've been watching a lot of MTV. :) XOXO

My "closet".

The desk area.

You're pretty much seeing the whole thing...

The bathroom.

Scenic view of the Children's Hospital.

Amy ei lähe.

Me with the moving boxes.
Ei lähe = Doesn't Go

It's getting down to the wire. The family I've been living with is leaving the country... I'm staying here. I knew this day would happen, but that doesn't mean I wanted it to come. I'm moving out to a district of Tallinn known as "Black Hill" - which I guess is kind of ironic because SD has the Black Hills. (You know, where Mt. Rushmore is?) Also, the abbreviation of Estonia is "Eesti" which is pronounced "SD". Coincidence? Maybe.

I'm excited about my new place. I always dread the actual moving. Three more months here and then who knows? Let's see what transpires... :)

I don't give a f*ck about an Oxford Comma...

I usually don't blog about silly things like songs I like or bands I think are cute. I like to keep it pretty serious, you know? My baking mis-haps. Cute things that the baby does. But, today I feel like mixing it up. Thus, I give you: Vampire Weekend. (Sorry about the sound quality. This is the best video available!)



Lyrics:

Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?
I've seen those English dramas too
They're cruel
So if there's any other way
To spell the word
It's fine with me, with me

Why would you speak to me that way
Especially when I always said that I
Haven't got the words for you
All your diction dripping with disdain
Through the pain
I always tell the truth

Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?
I climbed to dharamsala too, I did
I met the highest lama
His accent sounded fine
To me, to me

Check your handbook
It's no trick
Take the chapstick
Put it on your lips
Crack a smile
Adjust my tie
Know your boyfriend, unlike other guys

Why would you lie about how much coal you have?
Why would you lie about something dumb like that?
Why would you lie about anything at all?
First the window, then it's to the wall
Lil' Jon, he always tells the truth

Check your passport
It's no trick
Take the chapstick
Put it on your lips
Crack your smile
Adjust my tie
Know your butler, unlike other guys

Why would you lie about how much coal you have?
Why would you lie about something dumb like that?
Why would you lie about anything at all?
First the window, then it's through the wall
Why would you tape my conversations?
Show your paintings
At the United Nations
Lil' Jon, he always tells the truth

My Current Status

Sõbrade Päev

It's Valentine's Day here in Estonia, too!


I just got a piece of candy from my school with a little note attached (above). It says, "Sina = Mina" or "You = Me".

It's so cute. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth... :D

The baby is even dressed up today. She's wearing a red sweatsuit that says, "LOVE" across the butt. She has no idea...

Ma olen õliopilane. (I am a university student.)

This semester at Tallinn University I have started to take Estonian courses. That brings the total Estonian speaking population in the world to 1.5 million + 1.

Here's a cool thing that I learned yesterday: If you want to ask someone how they are doing (which is not done often because - in the words of my professor - Estonians are not very polite) you would say, "Kuidas läheb?" To which one would respond, "Aitäh, hästi" (Thank you, fine).

Or, you could ask, "Kuidas käsi käib?" literally "How is your hand going?"

If you want to wish someone "Bon Appetit!" you would say "Head Isu!" The old-fashioned way is to say, "Jätku leiba!" which means, "Let there be bread on your table!" to which a typical Estonian response is, "Jätku tarvis" which means, "There should be bread on my table."

Another old-fashioned Estonian greeting is, "Jõudu tööle!" which is said upon seeing someone working in the field and means "Let you have the energy/power to do the work!" The response to this is, "Jõudu tarvis!" or "I should have the power!"

Ah, Estonians. I still have trouble pronouncing everything, but practice makes perfect I guess. :)

End note: I'm at my university, so I'm able to put the appropriate dots/squiggles in the words!! :)

Amateur Hour

Snow packed with slippery spots.

Town Hall, circa. 1208; photograph, circa. 2008

Anglican Church Spire: Catholocism Lite

"The" Small House

Town Hall Square - Houses Rectangular

It's all downhill to Pikk Gate.

This Old House (without Bob Villa)

Mucha Inspired Cafe - Au Lait!

"Red sky in the morning, sailors take warning."

Ode to Estonia

Eesti, ah, alas

Ex-pat life agrees with me

Homeward bound June-ish

KUMU in Three Parts

Part I. Pass/Fail

I decided that after living in Estonia for nearly a year (total) it was high time I got to the contemporary art museum KUMU. In order to get to KUMU, I needed to walk a very long way - or take the tram. Sick of purchasing "kaks bussi pilet" (two bus tickets) every time I go somewhere, I decided to buy a 90 day pass. I used my poor Estonian to inquire about the pass and managed to find out that they were out of 90 day passes, but that I could get a 30 pass instead. The kiosk-lady counted 30 days from today - February 2 - and stamped the day my pass will expire on the front of it. What's wrong with this picture?



At least she wrote the day it began on the back...

Part II. Is this art?

The main exhibit in KUMU is of surrealist artwork by Spanish artist Joan Miro. The exhibit was really nice, overall. Lots of splotches on canvas, splotches on cardboard bits of cereal boxes, splotches on fragments of paper... Now, I've always been able to appreciate even the most "modern" art with a straight face, but, when I saw two older Russian ladies admiring what they thought was part of the art exhibit and what was actually a case containing a fire hose, I admit I lost my composure.

Part III. Full Circle

I came back to the apartment after my satisfying museum experience and settled in with a crossword from the Washington Post. One of the clues was "Spanish surrealist Joan".

Yesssssss!

Love/Hate

Almost every day I have two thoughts about Estonia: 1. I love this place and I'm so glad that I'm living here. And 2. I just want to get on a plane and leave this minute and never come back.

As of a few days ago, my ticket has been purchased and I will be departing Estonia on June 25th, 2008 - just after Jaanipaev. Honestly, it's been incredible, and I'm so sad to leave.

As cheesy as it sounds, I can't wait for the next chapter of my life to begin. I need to find a job,and an apartment and a life somewhere. Sadly it will not be in Estonia.

"Criistal Scissorhands"

I go to this Estonian girl Criistal (which I realize is a stripper name) to cut my hair. I just sit down and tell her to cut it and let her have her way with me. She never says a word while she is cutting my hair - which I like. I've had some haircuts where the hairdresser won't stop yapping and I end up with one side shorter than the other.

She usually seems to know what she is doing. First, she washed and cut my hair, then she blow dried it and cut it again - all Edward Scissorhands style. I wanted to tell her to stop, but my curiosity got the better of me. It actually turned out really nice. I like it anyway. She even gave me the proper Yoda burns...






Hope you like it. If not, lie to me...

And, no, Mom, I will not get my hair out of my eyes...

Good Day. Sunshine.

So, the sun came out today and I decided I needed pictures of Old Town with a little snow. Unfortunately, the rare sun melted the last remnants of yesterday's blizzard. Well, you can never have too many pictures of Old Town...

Weather Vane, Anglican Church, Hotel Viru...

Pikk Jalg

Lai Street (That's "Lie" not "Lay", guys...)

St. Olaf's
The sun's not even really out in this picture, but just a little blue sky makes me happy when there are only about 5 hours of daylight.

Nerd Alert!

Dear Diary,

I have a crush... on Gosta Esping-Andersen.

Why you ask? He articulated the seminal categorization of welfare regimes in 1990. Of course, when you try to categorize something you're just asking for criticism. And come it did. So, in 1999, Esping-Andersen re-visited his theory and politely, pithily and persuasively argued for the existence of three worlds of welfare with the possibility of a fourth type, but only if you were to re-evaluate the whole classification based on different criteria. Reading his explanation of homines gave me chills.

Way to go, Gosta!!

Dumb Luck

So, the other day I was trying to write an essay on Estonia's political system and I couldn't find how many people each person can chose when they vote for parliamentary candidates. I read like 5 books and searched the web - and nothing.

Then it occurred to me that I am IN Estonia... at the National Library OF Estonia.

I asked the girl next to me and she told me you get one vote.

I Thought I Had Heard It All...

I'm working on my essay about Post-Communist East European Democracies on the 5th floor of the National Library of Estonia's Social Sciences Reading room. My professor recommended some books for me to read about my topic, and luckily most of them are available here! Grand! So, I search the E-Estor Catalogue and find the book I need. Turns out, the Eesti Rahvusraamatukogu has two copies of the book I'm looking for and they are both "KOHAL" (read: available). Double grand!

One copy is here in the library in the 3 rd floor archives and one is in the Parliament Reading Room across town. I fill out my slip of paper and take it to the desk. The lady behind the desk says the book I want is not available! Kättesaamatu?? EI!!! They explain to me that they must send for the book from the Parliament Reading Room and it will be here tomorrow at noon. I ask them why I cannot have the book that is on the 3rd floor - 2 floors below me! In the same building! I am told that when there are two examples of a book at the National Library you may only have the book in the archive when the other is not available.

That makes sense.